Ok. Well let’s just start off with the same old “I’m depressed again” line so it’s understood that I am a low piece of shit that’s not even on the totem pole. Now, normally I say that but never feel it but this time I’m saying for lack of a phrase that better explains how shitty I feel. I have always known that singing is my special talent, and I have always known that there are people out there who are better than me. But when I get to the point where I am getting depressed because of singing, you know something’s wrong. I feel horrible because, not only can I NOT play any instruments, but I can’t write music, come up with lyrics out of sheer fucking nowhere, hell. I can’t even cover someone else’s cover of a fucking song. I mean, I know how to, but when I get inspired to do it, I just stare at the paper. Then I spend hours humming bland, random tunes before I give up. I feel as if my creativity and imagination just aren’t there anymore. My sketching has dropped, I rarely write anymore, and as far as anything else dealing with being artistically inclined, I can’t do it on account that I don’t and can’t get the materials needed. Have I just gotten into a block or have I truly lost my creativity?
I’m at that point in life where I don’t know what I’m doing with mine. I go about my days wondering what’s next, what to do, where to go, what to say, and why. Why am I here? Why am I not there or that place? Why can’t I get my life on track or even started? Why am I still alive?